In the Driver’s Seat
Setting goals gets you on the road. Here’s how to get going.

By Xavier Reyes

How many times have you heard your social worker, teacher or counselor ask you what your goals are? And how many times did you answer that you didn’t know, or just gave them any old answer that would shut them up? As annoying as this question may seem, it’s a very important one. Our goals are important because they help us plan for our future. If we didn’t have goals, we would be like drivers without destinations, driving round and round without really going anywhere. Goals help us focus on our dreams and realize the possibilities in our lives.

Goals also let us be in the driver’s seat for a change. Too often in foster care we have no say over who we live with, where we live, where we go to school and even what we eat. People are always making plans for us, and we often don’t get a say in those plans. Having goals for your future can help you get more control over your life. It can help you be the one determining what’s happening to you.

A few years back, when I was living in a group home, one of my goals was to live independently. I set this goal when I was 17 years old, and worked on it until I was 21, the age in New York City when you leave foster care, ready or not.

To achieve my goals I had to make sure that I had two very important things: a roof over my head, and a secure job that was going to pay enough for rent.

Goals and a Game Plan

It took years of work to reach those goals. I had to learn how to find and hold down a job. I had to look for apartments, and convince landlords that I would be a responsible tenant. I was eventually able to get a job as an administrative director in an office (I make lots of phone calls, keep track of paper work, and generally keep things organized.) I found an apartment through my social worker’s assistant.

If I hadn’t had goals and a game plan for how I was going to reach them, I wouldn’t be where I am today. I wouldn’t have my own apartment and I sure wouldn’t have my job. I might have made it, but I probably would have been working for half of the salary I now make, and would be living in a studio apartment the size of a closet.

So here’s another important thing about reaching your goals—it’s not just enough to have a goal, you also have to have a game plan, which is a plan for how and when you’re going to reach those goals. For instance, to find an apartment before I left care, my game plan was to look in the classified sections for apartments, ask everyone in my agency about apartments, and get together all the things a landlord would want to see—references, paycheck stubs, savings account statements and a social security card.

Putting the Plan Into Action

But having goals and a game plan is just half of it. The other half is actually putting the game plan into action. And if you’re like me, this is the hard part— getting off our butts and doing what we need to do to reach our goals. Before you begin to work on a game plan for reaching your dreams, it’s important to know the difference between a strong goal and a weak goal, a realistic goal and an unrealistic goal.

Weak goals are goals that you are going to achieve whether or not you really put work into it. For example, setting a goal to make money is a weak goal. Why? ’Cause one way or another you will make money one day. This goal is too broad. So how can you change this weak goal into a strong goal? Instead of saying, “My goal is to make money,” you can say, “My goal is to make $25,000 a year by the time I am 25 years old.” The more specific you are in your goal, the clearer it will be, and the more likely it is that you will get exactly what you want. Not half of it.

An unrealistic goal is to say that you want to be a doctor by the time you are 23, knowing that you are 17 and haven’t even taken Advanced Placement science classes in high school. A realistic goal is to say that you want to be in nursing school (or whatever you want) by the time you are 23. This is realistic because you are giving yourself enough time to get the education and experience you need to reach your goal. You can always go to medical school later if that’s still your goal.

Finding Your Goals

A good, strong goal is one that is measurable (you know you achieved it if you are making $25,000 when you are 25), that is very clear, and that is achievable. The more specific and focused your goal is, the better chance you will have at reaching it.

A good way to focus your goals and start a game plan is to:

1. Write a list of goals that you want to accomplish for yourself, both in the short-term and in the long-term. Look at each goal and decide which goals are realistic and which goals are unrealistic. (For example, it’s unlikely you’ll become a rap star or pro athlete.)

2. Now take the same list and remove the goals that you know are going to happen regardless of anything. (Remove “Leave foster care by age 21.” That will happen no matter what.) Once you narrow it down, list your goals in the order of importance. (Getting that new outfit is not more important than getting that job you need!)

3. Now that you have a good list of goals, write each goal on a separate piece of paper. For each goal, write out three or four actions that you know you must take in order to reach that goal. For example, let’s say my goal is to get a job, then my steps might be: 1) Get typing speed up to 40 words per minute 2) Learn Microsoft Word 3) Write a resume 4) Look for a job. You probably want to break the steps down more. For instance, to look for a job, I might write: a) Go directly to at least 10 places I want to be hired and ask about job openings b) See the job counselor at my school about job openings c) Ask my social worker if she knows of job openings d) Apply at temp agencies.

4. After you come up with actions for each goal, write a date when you are going to complete the step.

5. Stick to the plan. The hardest part in achieving your goals is not setting the goal, but seeing it through. Stick with the plan and complete the steps you need to achieve your goal. Don’t let yourself keep putting it off. In the words of Derek Canty, a workshop facilitator with the Grassroots Aspen Experience, where I also lead workshops, “Life don’t care if you are sick or tired. Life goes on with or without you.” It’s up to you to take the necessary steps to achieve your goals. No one is going to give you a break or a free handout. If you want something, get up and make it happen for yourself. You can do it.

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