Quiet on the Job
I can’t figure out how to act at work.

By Danielle Wilson

I get so mad and offended when teachers and coworkers say about me, “Danielle is a nice girl, but she’s so quiet.” I get fed up because I don’t consider myself quiet at all. When they say that I am, it makes me feel frustrated and completely misunderstood.

But in a way I understand why they say that. You see, it’s almost like there are two different Danielles inside of me. There is the At-Home-Danielle, who chills, laughs, and jokes with her friends. And then there’s the At-School-or-Work-Danielle who just goes to work or school to do what she’s gotta do and be out.

I worked as a receptionist in my school, where all I did was answer the phone and say, “Good afternoon, please hold.” So there was no one to really talk to. But the truth is, if there was someone to talk to like a boss or a secretary, I wouldn’t say much anyway. That’s because I don’t feel I’d be able to talk to a boss or a coworker like I talk to my friends. I wouldn’t know what to say.

Home Life vs. Professional Life

I think everyone is a little different when they’re at home than when they are in the real world. At home I live with my brother, who’s 20, and my sister, who’s 16. Between these two I feel like I’m the adult at home. I take care of my sister, pay the bills, and go to school and work.

Even though my brother is older than I am, I’ve always been more responsible than he is. I sometimes have to tell him what to do, like, “Pick up your trash!” “Wash the dishes!” “Clean your room!” Sometimes I feel like I have two big, grown teenagers to look after who didn’t come out of me. Makes you not want to have kids!

My aunt helps me with money, but she lives all the way across town so I don’t see her that much.

Letting Loose With Friends…

With my friends I let loose from all the responsibility. I bust out. Like one time, I was with my friend when a guy who had been stalking her knocked on the door. My friend didn’t know how to tell him to leave her alone, but I did. I said, “Boy, you better listen and listen good. My friend Tiffany doesn’t want you, never has and never will, so leave her alone, please, thank you kindly.” Then I slammed the door in his face. When I got back to my room my friends started busting out laughing.

If my teachers or coworkers knew how I act at home, I don’t think they’d believe it. They wouldn’t say I was quiet at all.

…But Quiet on the Job

I think part of the reason I’m so different at home is because at home I don’t have to answer to any adult or authority figure, except my aunt, “the big boss lady across town,” and, well, she’s all the way across town. So that means I can stay up as long as I want, have company any time I want, basically eat when I want and wherever I want. It also means I don’t really know how to talk with authority figures. So at work or school I just stay quiet. I feel like if I remain quiet no one will notice that I’m there, and they can’t tell me what to do.

But being quiet at work doesn’t work all the time. It sometimes makes the boss pick on you more. When I was working at Pretzel Time, I had to give out samples of pretzels outside of the store to try to get customers to come in. The other people who worked there would stand out with the samples while talking to people passing by and laughing with them. They would do practically anything to get those people to come into the store.

But when it was my turn, I was quiet. All I would do is stand there and shout, “Free samples!” I got a lot of greedy people taking the samples, but almost no one walking into the store. My boss criticized me for that.

Feeling Misunderstood

And at an internship I had through my school, at a garden in a hospital, I also felt like being quiet made things harder for me. There was another intern there from a college who would walk around with a pad and pencil and jot down every word our boss said and ask a million questions about growing plants. I would just listen and later I would write down what I thought would be important for me to know in the future. My boss asked me, “Do you have any questions?” And I’d say, “No, I’m all right.” But what I really wanted to say was, “The other intern already asked all I wanted to know. I don’t think there’s anything left to ask.”

At the end of the internship, my boss told my teacher, “Oh, Danielle’s a nice girl, but she’s so quiet.” I felt misunderstood.

Maybe I Need to Speak Up?

Then at my school my mentor, who I think is mad cool, told me she was worried that I wouldn’t do well on my final presentation because I’m quiet. I felt angry and hurt again. But the truth is, if everyone is saying I’m quiet, maybe it is a problem that I feel so unlike myself when I’m at school or on the job.

I have a card that I picked up from a bookstore when I was about 10 or 11 years old. It has pretty blue and pink clouds on it and on the top it says “Danielle” in big, bold letters. After that it reads, “God is your only judge.” I still have that card to this day. I know people will always have something to say about me whether it’s good or bad. And it hurts to hear them say that I’m quiet at school and work when I know that’s not my true self. Ultimately, that card is right—what they say doesn’t matter and only God can judge me. That card and my heart keep me grounded through all the criticism from bosses and teachers.

But I still hope that I can learn to feel more comfortable around authority figures. Maybe then they’ll have a better idea of who the real me is, and it will be easier for me to be around them.

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